What does your Avoidance Weasel tell you?

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One of the greatest terms-of-art I’ve heard in a long time: Avoidance Weasel.

The Avoidance Weasel is a sub-species of the Rationalization Hamster. It’s the voice inside your head that talks you out of doing things that you didn’t want to do in the first place.

The voice that provides you with seemingly logical reasons to avoid unpleasantness. Even when it’s good for you.

Does it suck getting up early to train? Avoidance Weasel says “You had a late night, and sleep is very important for your health.”

Don’t want to do your mental conditioning training, like jumping into a cold pool? Avoidance Weasel says that you’re trying to cut down on your electricity bill, so the hot bath you’d need afterwards just wouldn’t be worth it.

The danger amazing thing about the Avoidance Weasel is that SCIENCE! has proven it to be a mall muscle located just behind your testicles (Ovaries in women), and that with repeated use this muscle gets bigger and stronger. So if you give in to your Avoidance Weasel often enough it gets better at retracting your testicles and taking reserves away from your other muscles, making you weak.

So one day, after not doing cold swims, skipping leg day, not fixing that broken door handle, one day three home invaders walk in. But it’s OK, because Avoidance Weasel has assured you that if you just cooperate they won’t hurt you.

Avoidance Weasel also tells you that it’s OK that they hit you in the face with a brick to make sure you don’t do “anything stupid”. Because if you do, then they’ll hurt you. Avoidance Weasel will provide comfort. He’ll make you realise that getting hit with the brick doesn’t really hurt that much, so they’re not lying.

Avoidance Weasel will also help keep you calm and realise that they just need your wife to go find her jewelry. That’s why two of them are taking her alone to the bedroom.

Thank goodness you listened to your Avoidance Weasel so much. Otherwise who’d keep you calm and relaxed with all these comforting lies thoughts?

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