Anybody who says high-risk behaviour isn’t appealing is either an idiot, in denial, or deliberately being disingenuous.
Let’s start with an age old truth: high-risk behaviour is fun.
The problem comes in when somebody ignores the “high-risk” part and just sees the “fun” part. Mostly this happens because people don’t want to have to give up their
high-risk behaviour fun, so they explain away the dangers (i.e. find a way to ignore those dangers) so they keep on having the fun. This usually takes the form of accusing anyone with common sense as “blaming the victim”.
Case of high-risk behaviour in point
I think I speak for the common sense of the world when I say it’s not victim blaming to ask “Why the fuck was she still dating a man she knew killed a rival drug dealer? Let alone fled to a different country to stay with him?”
I love this article. I absolutely love how it opens with:
“The woman, from the north of England, originally met Mamadou Jallow, a migrant from Burkina Faso, on Facebook and travelled with him to Rosarno, south-west Italy.”
and then only later mentions that the reason why they “travelled” to Italy was because the boyfriend “was forced to flee the country after knifing a rival during a drugs dispute”.
She “travelled with him” to Italy. It wasn’t “running away from the cops and other drug dealers”. ROTFLMAO.
So let me get this straight, a woman got into a relationship with this handsome fellow
and voluntarily, willingly, chose to stay with him while he fled the country after killing a rival drug dealer?
What could possibly go wrong? I mean just look at him. What could possibly go wrong with having a relationship with an upstanding member of the community that kills rival drug dealers and flees to another country … and she chose to stay with him?
Am I victim blaming?
This lesson is dedicated to all those people who don’t understand that high-risk behaviour is fun. (Looking at you over-controlling parents who think lecturing at kids works.)
It’s also dedicated to all those people engaging in high-risk behaviour while bullshitting themselves about what it is they’re doing. It’s not love (it’s attraction). It’s not that you’re rebelling against society (you’re doing taboo things because the unknown is exciting). You’re not going to “change him” (thinking that you can makes you feel special is all).
Admit it, you’re having fun and you’re choosing to ignore the potential consequences. Which is almost the definition of childhood.
[Childhood is the period when you don’t know about consequences, so you learn about them and incorporating them into your decisions. What you’re doing is worse. You’re undoing what you learned in childhood and willfully ignoring the consequences until they lock you in a house in Italy so they and their 2 friends can take turns raping you.]
High-risk behaviour itself is not inherently bad. Walking the fine line between order and chaos sometimes means you’re going to overstep in one or the other direction. That’s OK. It’s natural and normal and shit really does just happen sometimes.
What is bad is lying to yourself about what it is you’re doing. Are you being honest with yourself? Some people experiment with drugs (or bungee jumping or travelling or … or … or…) to push their limits and see what’s outside the envelope. Some people do it for the sheer fun of it (flirting with disaster is fun, so long as the flirting doesn’t turn into a relationship).
Know what it is you’re doing (fun/excitement/new experiences/changing perspective), and know why you’re doing it.
Admit to yourself that you know it could turn into a shitty situation, but you desire experimenting with chaos more than you desire the order at this point.
For this woman I’d guess she would’ve been better off if she’d been upfront with herself and admitted that she wanted fun and excitement more than she wanted to be safe.
I wonder what college rape stats would look like if college men and women were honest with themselves in this way?