And I’m terrified I might fall short – a letter for men

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So this is one of those articles I don’t want to write. Therefore this is one of those articles I have to write (James Altucher, you bastard). It’s not the shitty stuff that happened to someone else that gets to me (although that does suck). It’s the part where I try be brutally honest about the standards I need to hold myself to as a man. And I’m terrified I might fall short. So here goes …


Long story short

Here we have a story from Sweden (so you already know it involves a young girl getting raped by an immigrant).

Swedish Authorities Absent As Somalis Allegedly Keep Assaulting Rape Victim

Long story short: 12 year old Hanna was lured into isolation and raped. The 17 year old rapist (he must have been an “orphan and widow” right Obama?) was given a hefty sentence of … community service. Hanna, now 13, is being stalked and assaulted by the rapist’s brother, the rapist’s friend, and the rapist’s mother. Nothing is being done to stop this – besides a restraining order.

[And for those of you who want to know under what circumstances a restraining order is actually useful (very narrow circumstances), I suggest reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker (a whopping $7 on Amazon at the moment).]


Now for the painful part

If you read the news article, you’ll see the part where the girl’s father says this:

“Hanna needs to get her rights back,” Hanna’s father told local newspaper Sundsvalls Tidning (ST). “This boy has a restraining order and still comes and assaults my daughter, but nothing happens.”

Here’s the thing – whose job is it to protect a man’s children?

I’m terrified to ask this question in case, one day, I fall short on this job.

What if I’m too weak to protect my family? What if I’m too weak to do what needs to be done.



I assume you all remember Christopher Nolan’s first Batman movie, Batman Begins. In it, a young Bruce Wayne gets freaked out at the Opera, and asks his dad to take them home (him, his dad, and his mom). Dad obliges, but when they get outside they run into a mugger who then shoots and kills the mom and dad. Bruce Wayne forever feels it is his fault that his parents die.

Later in the film we get this golden nugget of harshness. A slap in the face with a truth-brick. And while you watch it, recall the words of Hanna’s father.

“Your parents’ death was not your fault. It was your father’s fault.”

“Anger does not change the fact that your father failed to act.”

“Training is nothing. The will to act is everything.”


Grey areas

And for those of you blustering and posturing about how you’d do this and that, consider just some potential grey-areas:

Police Officer charged with raping women while on duty

Shocking report reveals large numbers of South African policemen arrest women just to rape them

Or the case where a rape victim spoke out, and her family died when the rapist burnt the family’s house down.

If you read up on the Telford grooming scandal (or others), you’ll find that a lot of the kidnapped* girls have had their parents and brothers and sisters threatened.

* – Some people might say it isn’t kidnapping if the victim chose to stay. Staying in a long term rape situation because the kidnapper knows where their younger sister etc. lives isn’t what you’d call “choosing to stay”.


The question

I’ll end with a quote:


The question is not “how far”.

The question is:

Do you possess the constitution,

the depth of faith,

to go as far as is needed?

– Boondock Saints



  1. 《this is one of those articles I don’t want to write》
    No problem, your article is fine enough to me but what’s the moral of the story ? You mean we cannot rely on LEOs when baddies bother us and our relatives ? Maybe you just have to expand on the topic a bit more…

    • It’s more that I’m worried about failing my family. The “what if’s” that plague me.
      What if I freeze when I need to act.
      What If I just lack the will to act?
      What if I buy the comfortable lie and convince myself that doing what the BG wants will keep my family alive?
      What if it’s a straight up crime, and the BG’s would’ve just taken the cash and phones and left my family alone, but now I acted and if all turned to shit?

      It’s what I think of as a negative motivation. A positive motivation is when I go running because it makes my body feel good, motivating myself by a positive reward. A negative motivation is I go running so when a lion comes around I’m not the one who gets eaten. I.e. preventing a negative. Well the thought “what if I lack the will to act” is a (negative) motivator for me in my training.

      Another big point is I’m also hoping thinking about this stuff will get more fathers to train and get more competent. The world needs more fathers understanding their responsibilities towards their family and stepping up.

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