“I’ll be fine, I have a gun” is bullshit – thoughts you need to think

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Garlic will keep vampires away. Guns will keep home invaders away. Wearing your seatbelt will keep traffic cops away. And buying a diet book will keep body fat away.

Bullshit. All of it. The tool does nothing but help a little bit, it’s you that has to do the job at hand.

Want some nails put in a plank of wood? Great, leave your hammer next to the nails overnight and come back in the morning, it’ll all be done for you.

Want to lose some fat? Great, be like Rosie, buy a diet book and only read it.


Ah, the gun crowd

“I’m safe because I have a gun”

Sure Wilbur.

People often buy tools because it makes them feel better, without actually changing anything. A diet book makes them feel like they’re “doing something” about excess body fat (even though they don’t go to the gym). A gun makes them feel safer, even if they leave it unloaded and locked away in a safe (and where is that darn key?).

The tool is used to make them feel more at ease, to provide comfort. Which is exactly what caused this cop to get beaten unconscious and have his pistol taken away from him.


Enter the Dragon? No Bruce Lee, enter the Pooper Scooper

Are you a carpenter just because you have a hammer?

Probably not. And I know of few people better able to explain this than Johnny Pain.


Self Defense and the Pooper Scooper

by Johnny Pain

Throughout history, man has invented and used tools to accomplish a variety of actions. A tool is simply anything that provides a more efficient means of completing a task. Modern weapons such as firearms, knives, and clubs, are nothing more than tools that allow violence to be performed on another human being in a more efficient manner than the average person is capable of doing with their empty hands. This is important to understand in the context of combat science (I am deliberately avoiding the term self defense here, go back and read “The Fallacy of Self Defense”for a better understanding of my reasoning). This article will provide some insight on the advantages and limitations of ancillary tools of violence such as the weapons listed above.

I titled this article “Self Defense and the Pooper Scooper” because we are talking about tools here. A pooper scooper is simply a tool that some use to perform a task that most would rather not perform with their hands. It’s not that one can’t collect their dog’s waste with a bag turned inside out over the hand, it’s simply that the scooper makes things easier, saves the dog owner from bending down, and places a distance barrier between the person’s hand, and the dog shit.

If you think about it, there’s not much difference between a pooper scooper and a firearm in terms of how they add value to the owner. A firearm allows one to injure, incapacitate, or even kill another person from a distance. A simple stroke or strokes of the trigger, and another human being can potentially be taken out of the picture.

Powerful, huh?

Absolutely. This is why firearms are such an effective and sought after tool of violence. Looking back at what I said in my last article, you can see how a firearm purchased or carried for “self defense” is erroneously described. The weapon will not do anything to defend you or your loved ones. It will not call the police, it will not spring into action from your bedside in the event of a home invasion, and it will not keep someone from raping you. Without your brain’s intent to fire the weapon into the vitals of another human being, the firearm amounts to nothing more than a very expensive paperweight.

Should you choose to kill another human being, a firearm is an excellent tool. The single biggest problem with that statement is that in order for it to be effective at that purpose, it needs to be in your hand when you need it.

Many people purchase firearms for in their homes, or even acquire licenses to carry firearms where they are legally obtained. Their logic is that the weapon is their self-defense tool. It makes them feel warm at night by its sheer presence.

“Nothing can hurt me or my family, I keep a gun in the nightstand”.

“I feel safe walking the streets because I’m packing a .45”.

Again, the problem here is that the weapon had better be in your hand or drawn when you need it.

We see this same idea with knives as well as other tools like pepper sprays and stun guns. All of these tools can be applied effectively in certain situations and under the right conditions, but it is a grave mistake to base your own personal survival preparedness or that of your loved ones on any object that you can put in your hand.

As I’ve said before, the only true weapon is the human brain. Once your brain is aware of the critical shift necessary from self preservation to the destruction of another human or humans as outlined in my previous article, it is then necessary to learn to use the other weapon that you have available with you all day, everyday, wherever you go, your body.

Throughout the years, many have come to me to teach them how to use firearms, or to a lesser degree, knives for the purpose of self-defense. After I explained to them that neither tool could be used to protect anyone, that they were instead tools for injuring others, I followed by refusing to teach them how to use any ancillary tools until they were capable of incapacitating, or killing another human under any circumstances with only the weapons of their body.

I don’t want to hear a story about a woman being raped and murdered while digging for her pepper spray in her purse, or after the attacker(s) laugh at her when she sprays them (save the comments about how that wouldn’t happen with X or Y brand of sprays, I’m very familiar with what’s on the market).

I hate hearing about the homeowner who is beaten to death in his home that was unable to get to (or load) his firearm in time to bring it into action.

Simply put, gambling with your life is not something that you should do. Betting it all on black, in this case the weapon of choice, is nothing short of asinine.

Nothing about a weapon makes you less susceptible to violence.

Nothing about a weapon makes you better at doing violence to another human (an attribute that I promise you the asocial, amoral attacker you will face will possess to a much greater degree than you).

Nothing about a weapon increases your intent to do harm to another human. As a matter of fact, those who purchase firearms for the “deterrent” effect that they possess, as in “I pull my gun and he capitulates and the situation ends” are already thinking in a manner that will get them killed.

  • I don’t train people to be knife-fighters, though we do spend a lot of time teaching you to use the knife.
  • I don’t train stick-fighters, though the last thing an asocial attacker would ever want to encounter is one of our people armed with a club of some sort.
  • I don’t train people to be gun-fighters, though they are fully capable of manipulating and effectively using a variety of modern firearms.

I train people in principles that apply regardless of whatever tool is their hand, AND regardless of whatever tool may be in the other guy’s hand.

Violence is violence, it doesn’t matter if you are armed or unarmed, whether he has a gun, whether there is more than one of him, whether you are standing, seated, or on the ground. The same principles apply.

In my next article I will provide an overview of the training process that I use with clients. This will be the format of my upcoming September Seminar at the new facility.

It is absolutely important that one become fluent in the language of violence in order to come out on top when all bets are off and it is truly time to fight for your life.

If you disagree with that simple statement, then sleep safely knowing that your knife, gun, club, taser, pepper spray, or pooper scooper has first watch and will see you and your loved ones through the storm.


Johnny Pain is the man behind StrengthVillain.com as well as the East Coast’s notorious Greyskull Barbell Club, the newly launched Greyskull Academy of Combat Sciences, and several other ventures. He is the author of several books on subjects pertaining to strength and conditioning. He can be found comically entertaining questions on his Q and A forum at StrengthVillain.com or can be reached for consultations, training seminars, or speaking engagements at john@villainintl.com.

Also, you can follow him on Twitter: @thejohnnypain



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