Many, MANY people have dramatically changed their lives. (Some of them even for the better. ) There aren’t any secrets about how to change your life. So why don’t more people do it. What’s holding you back?
The first fear
The fear that this won’t work. Whether or not they say it out loud, this often goes through someone’s head – before choosing to stay in the same old rut.
Dismissing any idea or lifestyle change before they even give it a proper thinking over. I think this tends to be either:
– the easily despondent; or
– the person who’s invested in staying in the crappy rut they’re stuck in.
The people I’ve personally seen with this fear tend to fall into the category of Victim Olympics.
You know the type – the guy who feels so un-special he complains about how crappy his life is because that’s the only way to get any attention.
Or the overweight leftist girl who moans about being fat, but being fat gives her the option of complaining and have people “sympathise” and tell her how beautiful she actually is. I.e. baby her.
My experiences with the first fear
One of the times I’ve seen this fear in myself is when I’ve gone to work seminars where I just knew beforehand I’d disagree with the speakers. So I was pissed off going into them, and not giving the speakers the benefit of the doubt allowed me to stay pissed off. And stubborn. And righteously justified in being disagreeable.
Notice how I picked myself up by the shoelaces there? Being pissed off gave me the justification for being pissed off.
Fortunately I have a wife who loves me enough to tell me when I’m being an idiot. Thanks to her (and much begrudging effort) I managed to put aside my justified-anger-of-disagreement and realise that not only did I agree with some of the seminar people, but I learned some incredibly useful stuff too.
I was invested in them being wrong and me being right. Changing my attitude (to give them a chance before I dismissed what they said) meant I had to give up my I’m-pissed-off-because-I-know-you’re-wrong emotions. And I valued those emotions more than I valued learning new things.
The fat girl values having people baby her more than she values losing weight.
The depressing guy values the attention he gets from complaining about his life more than he values the possibility of improving it.
The second fear
The fear that I might have to change. This often translates into the fear of “I might have to get off my arse and do something”.
I have seen this one more than anything else in my own life.
Why don’t I have more money? Why don’t I have magical moments every day? Why does my life suck, why can’t I have ponies and fairy tales and rainbows?
It turns out the answer is because I haven’t gotten up off my arse and made those things happen.
Fate and other lies that make us feel better
For all those people out there who missed a great opportunity and said “Oh well, if it was meant to be it would have happened.” Actually, if you’d worked your arse off to make sure it had happened, then maybe you would’ve gotten what you wanted.
“If it was meant to be it will be” is a feel-good way of saying “I’ll take whatever happens across my path so that I don’t have to put in any effort to find something better.”
Do you know the one thing I’ve seen almost as often as women unhappy with their bodies? Women who aren’t willing to put in the effort to do something about it. Sure they go on diets (temporarily). Or maybe they go jog on a treadmill while reading Facebook. But if you look closely, you’ll see them doing the things that require the least effort – not eating (easier than cooking healthy); gentle jogging (with no real exertion) vs powerlifting.
Like changing your life, how to lose weight and look sexy isn’t a secret. It’s been known for a long time.
What is a secret is that you have to choose to do something about it. And then actually do it.
Our instant-gratification societies and lifestyles (instant messages, video on demand, Starbucks, Amazon, heck, even instant noodles) has programmed us to not be disciplined.
Suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret.
You have to choose one. Refusing to choose either means you default to the second option.
Just because it’s a cliché …
Weeds grow without you putting in any effort.
A garden (and life) full of roses takes you deciding to put in the effort – and then making yourself do so.
Or as Johnny Pain puts it: What you don’t want requires no effort.