I am a husband and a father. I make the final decisions in my family. Want to know why (it’s not all that pretty)?
I could go into the whole man/woman thing where a typical woman wants her husband to make most of the decisions*, but instead I’ll get to the reason from my point of view, as a man.
If shit goes wrong it’s on me.
It’s taken me a while to figure this out and to make my peace with it. Some days I still struggle. But that’s the fact of life.
If there’s injury, illness, danger or threat, it’s my job to fix it or die trying. It doesn’t matter if the cops/medics/friends took too long to help. It doesn’t matter what reasons there might be – it’s on me.
Women are more valuable reproductively. I am a man. I am expendable.
If there’s a knife wielding man in our house my job is to keep my family alive. The guy with the knife? His life is entirely optional and depends on his choices.
So why do I get to make the decisions? Because the ultimate responsibility lies with me, so I get to make any ultimate decisions.
I am not a tyrant who makes all the decisions just because. But I have veto and This-Is-The-Way-It-Is rights over my family. Because if something goes wrong I’m the one who is volunteering for the dying (for all you sensitive equality snowflakes out there – fuck you – it’s called being a husband and a father). So I get to make the decisions to minimise that possibility.
This is why we train. Why we lift. Why we sprint. Why we carry. Why we profile. Why we learn all sorts of weird stuff. It’s also why we laugh. Why we have fun. Because being a husband and being a father is very fucking cool. And we’re happy to pay the cost.
* – Women are also tired at the end of the day, and making decisions can be a pain, THAT’S why your wife asks you what you want for supper – she doesn’t necessarily care about your preferences, she just really doesn’t want to have to go to the effort of deciding (cooking can be pretty autopilot).